your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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