Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
