Life is so much better after having sex.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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