The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
