How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
