I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
