when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
my shit smells like andre
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
