My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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