Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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