Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
