So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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