hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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