i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
