I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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