i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
