I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My pussy is not your playground.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
