did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
