i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Randomize
