Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You made out with two different species that night
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
