eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
