The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
