Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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