I wish I could punch you in the face.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
