I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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