Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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