It's like God shit irony all over that family
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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