plz talk dirty to me
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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