Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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