why im i the only drunk person in the library?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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