just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
