U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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