my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
