May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
