remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
