About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
honey bunches of taint.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
