god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
