You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
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