so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
