i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
