ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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