upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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