On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
