so let's talk penis.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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