Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
