my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
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i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
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You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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