She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I can't put those talents on a resume
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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