Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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