I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
