do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
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Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
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Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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