The maid of honor just puked.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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