I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize