he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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