How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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