I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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