I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
