I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
