dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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