He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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