All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
