My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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