I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
jump out the window naked night went bad
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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