I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
