I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
