I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
