I'm drive I can fine osifer
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
